Man, November went by so quickly, I can't believe it's almost over! Hope you had a lovely Thanksgiving - we did - thank you to Joan and Tom for providing a feast of epic proportions...it was wonderful. We bought our new tree on Friday morning - we braved the Black Friday rush in the hopes that we would get a killer deal, and we did. We put it up on Sunday and got it all fluffed out, and it looks awesome, but it is HUGE!! We definitely could have gone with a skinnier tree for the size of our living room, but c'est la vie. I'm almost done with the Christmas cards; they'll go out on December first, so be on the lookout :)

We went to get our ink fingerprints for the FBI on the 20th, and the officer that fingerprinted us looked so much like our friend Stoney, I almost had to ask if they were related! He was really nice, by which I mean he laughed at our stupid jokes and gave us a 50% discount on our prints. Y'all know how much I love a discount! He said that his brother and sister-in-law adopted three times from Russia, so he was very interested in us and he asked us quite a few questions about what kind of adoption we were doing and what our timeline was. He made it an enjoyable experience and the new ink washes off quite easily, so we didn't look like convicts the next day!

We had another class tonight, called Making Connections. The focus of the first half of the class was connecting with other adoptive parents and the second half was about being matched with birthparents. We met another nice couple, Karla and Vincent, who live close to us, and are going through the same program as we are. We got their information so we can keep in touch.

On Friday, I start my new job and then I have a meeting with our counselor right afterwards. We have each had to cancel this meeting once, so this time, I am bound and determined to get in there and get this accomplished! We are going to talk about my autobiography - my childhood and my family, etc...you'd think I would be a little nervous, but I'm really looking forward to it!

Our last required class is this Saturday, December 2nd at Lutheran General Hospital in Park Ridge, and it's called Parenting a Child at Risk. I am so excited to finally finish our required classes; it felt like such a huge prospect when we started, and now it's almost over. It's sort of bittersweet, because we have met such awesome people and learned so much, but I will be so glad to on to the next steps. We still have to finish our online classes (one for me, two for Jer), but they are quick, so I'm not sweating that and we're going to take a class about infant care, but it's not required. After that, we only have our Dear Birthparents letter and our profile and we are officially "paper pregnant". Woo!

What is open adoption?

Open adoption is a kind of family relationship. It is not a contract. It is a commitment that the birth family and adoptive family make to each other and the child. It is a commitment to be part of each other's lives.

It is reminiscent of a marriage. When 2 people marry, they are joining with each other and they are joining their families through their marriage. A child joins the adoptive family with the birth family. It is then up to the adults in this relationship to maintain the relationship with one another. The child is too young and powerless to do this. So the adoptive and birth parents make a commitment to one another so the child will be able to have connections with all members of his families.

Like all families, the kind of relationship members of the family have with one another varies. Sometimes, they have a very close relationship with one another. They visit each other's homes, attend family functions, attend birthday parties, Christmas celebrations, and inform each other of any significant change in your life. They recognize each other's birthdays; give gifts to one another at Christmas. This kind of open adoption relationship is considered an extended family relationship.

Members of a friendship open adoption relationship spend time getting to know one another, get together with one another, visit each other's homes, and keep in touch by phone and email. They may or may not recognize each other's birthdays, give gifts at Xmas. Usually, they are not included in family gatherings.

There is also an acquaintance open adoption relationship. People keep in contact with one another but it is usually through email and phone, letter. They may get together once a year.

Of course, like all kinds of relationships, open adoption relationships change over time. Sometimes the relationship feels like an extended family and sometimes like an acquaintance. Relationships need flexibility in order to survive. However, all recognize that they are family to one another and each person is important to the child.

Do all birthparents want an open adoption?

No. Expectant parents, like adoptive parents, have questions and concerns about open adoption relationships. Expectant parents often worry that having contact with the child will be too difficult for them emotionally. Some are worried that the child will become confused. Some believe that the adoptive parents really do not want them involved. Expectant parents already have much to deal with and the thought of having to form a relationship with strangers may seem like too much at the time. However, once they are through the initial shock of being pregnant and the crisis of planning an adoption for their child, birthparents often are happy they are in an open adoption or wish they had been in an open adoption relationship.

Are open adoptions legally binding?

These relationships are based on trust and respect and are not legally binding in Illinois. However, many birth and adoptive parents discuss the kind of relationship they want to have with one another now and in the future. Some like to write down these thoughts into an open adoption agreement. These agreements are reminders of their intent rather than a legally binding document that locks people into a certain way of interacting with one another. When relationships become obligations, anger and resistance develops.

It is always a good idea to have a plan. Although plans can be changed, they give everyone an idea where they are headed.

What are the benefits of open adoption?

Open adoption benefits the child. The child grows up knowing all the pieces of his family history. Children of open adoption, like biological children, grow up knowing their birth parents and birth relatives. The child has a firm understanding who he looks like, where his interest in baseball came from, etc. The child also knows that she continues to be important to her birthparents. There is no room to doubt whether the child's birth parents loved and cared for the child. Information about all aspects of the child's family history is also readily available. And this kind of ongoing relationship eliminates the possibility that the child may look at every man and woman who bears a resemblance to him and wonder is that my mother, is that my father. The child never has to wonder whether their birthparents would welcome them back into their lives for they are part of their lives.

What kind of problems occurs in open adoption relationships?

All families have problems. Open adoption families are no different. Often in the beginning of a relationship, people are not sure what to expect from one another. Birthparents are grieving the loss of their child. At the same time they are trying to figure out what their role is in their child's life. Adoptive parents want to help the birthparents with their grief but know that no one can. The adoptive parents are focusing on becoming the parents of the child. They are usually tired from sleepless nights. They also are trying to figure out how the birth family fit into the family structure. This is a time of great transition. Understanding how the other person feels and good communication is essential during these times.

What is a birthparent's role in a child's life?

When people are unsure of their connection to a child, they tend to consider what they are not to a child rather than what role they play in a child's life. Birthparents and adoptive parents need to be secure in their roles. If they are not, the child loses.

So what is a birthparent's role? It is important to look at the child's needs when establishing your role in the child's life. A child needs someone who is reliable. A child needs someone who makes promises and keeps them. A child needs someone who respects his/her adoptive parents. A child needs someone who remembers birthdays, holidays and other special occasions. A child needs someone who can tell them about his birth and family history. A child needs someone who is interested in his thoughts and deeds. A child needs their birthparents to love them and to just be there for them.

November is National Adoption Month! It's also the month when my husband and a few of my in-laws were born, so a big ol' happy birthday and many happy returns going out to Jeremy, Grannie Joan, Nick and Kirsten! In honor of National Adoption Month, get a white ribbon for your lapel and check out http://www.childwelfare.gov/ to learn a few new things about adoption.

We attended another class on Saturday called Transition to Openness at the Cradle. Friday night, Jeremy had a gig in Buffalo Grove, so we stayed at the parental condo in Mount Prospect to be closer to the gig so we would get some sleep and be able to make it through the class the next morning. Those of you who were at the gig know that I got pretty sick - I think it was a piece of bad sausage from the pizza I had beforehand. Anyway, we made it back to the parent's and were able to get a good night's sleep. We were a half hour late to class in the morning, because we made a wrong turn, but we got there just in time to watch the most incredible video about adoption from the baby's perspective. There wasn't a dry eye in the house! I'm going to see if I can get a copy so that anyone who is interested can see it. I'll keep you posted.

The focus of the class was making adoptive parents more comfortable with the idea of an open adoption and to teach them how to keep communication lines open with their child's birthparent. I have to admit that when we were first weighing the merits of international adoption vs. domestic adoption, one of the strongest pros toward international adoption was that we wouldn't have contact with the birthparents. After our first class with the Cradle, we felt quite differently, and have become stronger in our desire to have an open adoption for the benefit of all parties involved. I'm sure it won't always be easy for us to have a relationship with our children's birthparents because no relationship is without friction, however with the knowledge we are gaining, we expect things to be easier than if we went in blind.

We also got more information on how to write our 'Dear Birthparents' letter and how to assemble our profile. We are both looking forward to getting that all together. Once again, we met more really nice people in our class; Holly & Will who are from Lincoln Park and Kevin & Marc from Waukegan. Holly & Will are going to be in our class on 12/2, so we're all excited about seeing each other again, and Kevin & Marc might be in our class on the 11/28.

Did you ever wonder if any famous people were adopted, or if anyone famous ever adopted children? Find out about some people whose lives have been touched by adoption!

Jamie Foxx is an Academy Award winning television and film actor and singer. His grandparents adopted Jamie when he was a baby.

Julie Andrews is an academy award-winning actress who has been performing since she was a girl. She and her husband, Blake Edwards, are the parents of five children; the two youngest daughters were adopted from Vietnam.

Dave Thomas was the man who started the famous fast food restaurant, Wendy's. Dave was adopted when he was six weeks old.

John Glover Roberts, Jr. became the 17th Chief Justice of the United States Supreme Court in 2005. John and his wife Jane have two children, Josephine and Jack. Both children were adopted as infants.

Dan O'Brien won the Olympic Decathlon Gold Medal in 1996, to become the world's greatest athlete. Dan and five of his brothers and sisters were adopted transracially.

George Walton Lucas, Jr. is the mastermind behind the Star Wars movies. George is also an adoptive parent of Amanda, Katie, and Jett. Lucas adopted Katie and Jett as a single father.

Lynette Cole was crowned Miss USA 2000. Lynette was in foster care when her parents adopted her and her brother.

Kirk Cameron, from the hit television series Growing Pains and wife, actress Chelsea Noble, have a family of six children, four of whom are adopted.

Daunte Culpepper began his sixth season as a starter for the Minnesota Vikings in 2005. Daunte's birth mother was in prison in Ocala Florida when she gave birth to him. His grandmother, Emma Culpepper, had already been a mom to 14 foster children, and she adopted Daunte.

George Burns and Gracie Allen were famous comedians and stars of the hit television show The George Burns and Gracie Allen Show. In the 1930s the couple adopted two children: Sandra Jean and Ronald "Ronnie" John.

Fred Rogers was known to the world as Mr. Rogers. He was the creator and host of Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood, the longest running program ever shown on public television (1967 - 2001). When Fred was eleven years old, his parents adopted Fred's sister Elaine.

Other famous adopted people include:
Alexander the Great – King of Macedonia
Andy Berlin – entrepreneur: chairman of Berlin, Cameron & Partners
Anthony Williams – politician
Aristotle – philosopher
Art Linkletter – comedian
Babe Ruth – Hall of Fame baseball player
Bo Diddley – musician
Brent Jasmer – actor
Buffy Sainte-Marie – musician and actress
Carl Theodor Dreyer – film director
Charles Dickens – author
Charlie Chaplin – actor
Charlotte Church – singer
Charlotte Anne Lopez – Miss Teen USA
Christina Crawford – author
Clarissa Pinkola Estes – author
Coco Chanel – fashion designer
Crazy Horse – Lakota war chief
Dana Plato - actress
Daniel Boone – soldier and explorer
Darryl "D.M.C." McDaniels – rapper
Dean Cain – actor
Debbi Harry – singer
Dr. Ruth Westheimer – sexologist and broadcaster
Eartha Kitt – singer and actress
Edgar Allen Poe – poet and author
Edward Albee – playwright
Eleanor Roosevelt – First Lady, activist and U.N Delegate
Elie Wiesel – humanitarian and author
Ella Fitzgerald – jazz singer
Eric Clapton – musician
Eric Dickerson – athlete
Faith Daniels – news anchor
Faith Hill – country singer
Flip Wilson – comedian
Freddie Bartholomew – actor
Frederick Douglass – abolitionist and diplomat
Gary Coleman – actor
George Washington Carver – inventor
Greg Louganis – Olympic diver
Halle Berry – actress
Herman Melville – author
Harold Robbins – author
Ice-T – rapper and actor
Ingrid Bergman – actress
J.R.R. Tolkien – author
Jack Nicholson – actor
James Brown – musician
James Dean – actor
James McArthur – actor
James Michener – author
Jean Jacques Rousseau – philosopher
Jesse Jackson – minister
Jett Williams – country singer and author
Jim Palmer – athlete
Johann Sebastian Bach – composer
John J. Audubon – naturalist
John Keats – poet
John Lennon – musician
Josephine Baker – singer and dancer
Langston Hughes – poet and author
Larry Ellison – entrepreneur: founder of Oracle Corp.
Leo Tolstoy – author
Les Brown – motivational speaker
Little Richard – musician
Liz Phair – singer
Louis Armstrong – musician
Louisa May Alcott – author
Lucy Maud Montgomery – author
Malcolm X – civil rights leader
Marilyn Monroe – actress
Mark Acre – athlete
Mark Twain – author
Matthew Laborteaux – actor
Maya Angelou – author
Melissa Gilbert – actress
Michael Reagan – author
Mike Tyson - boxer
Moses – prophet
Muhammad – prophet and founder of Islam
Nancy Reagan – First Lady
Nat King Cole – singer
Nelson Mandela – President of South Africa
Newt Gingrich – politician
Patricia Cornwell – author
Patrick Laborteaux – actor
Peter and Kitty Carruthers – figure skaters
Pierce Brosnan – actor P
resident Gerald Ford – politician
President William Clinton – politician
Priscilla Presley – actress
Ray Liotta – actor
Reno – performance artist and comedian
Rep. Jim Lightfoot – politician
Richard Burton – actor
Rudyard Kipling – author
Sam Goldwyn – film producer
Sarah McLachlan – singer
Scott Hamilton – figure skater
Sen. Paull H. Shin – politician
Sen. Robert Byrd – politician
Shari Belafonte-Harper – actress
Stan Mikita – hockey player
Steve McQueen – actor
Steve Jobs – entrepreneur: co-founder of Apple computer
Surya Bonaly – figure skater
Tim Green – football player and commentator
Tom Monaghan – entrepreneur: founder of Dominoes Pizza
Tommy Davidson – comedian
Truman Capote – author
Victoria Rowell – actress
William Somerset Maugham – author
William Tecumseh Sherman – Civil War general
Willie Nelson – singer
Wilson Riles – educator

Other famous adoptive parents include:
Al Roker – news anchor
Angelina Jolie – actress
Art Buchwald – comedian
Arthur Ochs Sulzberger, Sr. – publisher
Barbara Walters – journalist
Ben Stein – actor and game show host
Bette Davis – actress
Bob Hope – entertainer
Brad Pitt – actor
Brooke Adams – actress
Burt Reynolds – actor
Calista Flockhart – actress
Cecil B. De Mille – film director
Charles Bronson – actor
Connie Chung – news anchor
Dale Evans – singer & cowgirl
Dan Marino – football player
Dan Savage – journalist
Dan Wilson – baseball player
David Kelley – television producer
Diane Keaton – actress
Dianne Wiest – actress
Donna Mills – actress
Ed McMahon – entertainer
Edie Falco - actress
Erma Bombeck – comedienne
Estelle Parsons – actress
Eve Arden – actress
Father George Clements – minister
Gail Sheehy – author
Gale Sayers – Hall of Fame football player
Gary Merrill – actor
Gloria Swanson – actress
Harry Belafonte – singer
Hedy Lamarr – actress
Helen Hays – actress
Henry Fonda – actor
Horace George Hamilton – administrator
Isabella Rossellini – actress
Jamie Lee Curtis – actress, author & English Baroness
Jane Fonda – actress
Jane Wallace – TV personality
Jane Wyman – actress
Jann Wenner – publisher
Jill Ireland – actress
Jill Krementz – author
Jim Palmer – athlete
Jo Beth Williams – actress
Joan Didion – author
Joan Fontaine – actress
John DeLorean – auto designer and entrepreneur: founder of DeLorean Motor Car Co.
John Denver – singer
John Gregory Dunne – author
Josephine Baker – singer and dancer
Judy Woodruff – news anchor
Karen Grassle – actress
Kate Capshaw – actress
Kate Jackson – actress
Kirby Puckett – athlete
Kirstie Alley – actress
Kris Kristofferson – singer
Kurt Vonnegut – author
Linda Ronstadt – singer
Loni Anderson – actress
Louis Gossett, Jr. – actor.
Magic Johnson – athlete
Marcia Wallace – actress
Marie Osmond – singer
Maury Povich – talk show host
Mia Farrow – actress
Michelle Pfeiffer – actress
Natalie Williams – WNBA basketball player
Nell Carter – entertainer
Nicole Kidman – actress
Oscar de la Renta – designer
Parker Stevenson – actor
Patti LaBelle – singer
Paul Newman – actor
Pearl Bailey – singer
Peter Falk – actor
President Ronald Reagan – politician
Regina Belle – singer
Rep. James Leach – politician
Richard King Mellon – financier
Robert Fulghum – author
Rosie O'Donnell – actress
Roy Rogers – singer & cowboy
Sally Jessy Raphael – talk show host
Sammy Davis, Jr. – entertainer
Sarah Purcell – entertainer
Sen. Ben Nighthorse Campbell – politician
Sen. Gordon Humphrey – politician
Sen. John McCain – politician
Sen. Lloyd Bentsen – politician
Sen. Paul Simon – politician
Sen. Paull H. Shin – politician
Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchinson – politician
Sharon Stone – actress
Sir Christopher Guest – actor & English Baron
Stephen Spielberg – film director
Susan Ruttan – actress
Taurean Blacque – actor
Ted Danson – actor
Teri Garr – actress
Tom Cruise – actor
Valerie Harper – actress
Victoria Rowell – actress
Walt Disney – entrepreneur: founder of Disneyland
William Delahunt – politician
William Wordsworth – poet
Willie Mays – athlete