Jeremy had his meeting with Sue last Wednesday to discuss his autobiography, and he said that it went well. He asked her if she saw any red flags and she said that she hadn't...she did mention that we have a bit of paperwork that needs to be handed in, so we're going to work on that this week. We also have to make appointments for full physicals with our doctors, and Jeremy has to finish his online classes, which he hopes to have done this week. After that, we're just waiting on the home study and we're done. It finally feels like the end is in sight!
This weekend was incredibly busy - Jeremy's band played on Friday in Barrington at the Penny Road Pub - of course they went on late as it always seems to happen there. It was a long day, and we didn't get home until around 2 am. Sunday, we went to Starved Rock with our good friends for the Eagle Watch. What a glorious experience! Granted, it was colder than a brass bra, and we were all bundled up like Michelin Men, but I was so excited about the eagles and the scenery, I didn't even feel the cold - ok, maybe a little! We saw at least 20 eagles, and Michelle got some incredible pictures of them using a telescope and her digital camera!
We're trying to plan a dinner get together with the new friends we've met through our adoption classes, and so far the response sounds positive. We really don't want to lose touch with these people, it's so cool to have friends who know exactly where we're coming from and what we're going through! This adoption trip has been amazing and I'm excited about our next journey already, although we really need to finish this one first :) Our goal is to be finished with the home study and all of our paperwork, and be on the list by our third anniversary (March 20th)! Keep your fingers crossed!!
Monday, January 29, 2007
Saturday, January 13, 2007
Happy New Year!!
We took a small break during the holidays, there were quite a few things going on, and we decided to devote most of our time to the season. Hope you all got what your little hearts desired for Christmas...we got to spend time with family and friends, which is what the season is all about for us.
Now we are renewing our journey in earnest. I have been working on our Dear Birthparents letter and our profile, which are given to the prospective birthmothers when they are deciding on who they want to place their baby with. I have just finished reading a book called Reaching Out, which is kind of a "how-to" on writing the letter, and it made this so much easier! Jeremy has finished his biography and made an appointment with Sue for the 24th of January to discuss it with her. We are steadily working on the house, culling out the things that we don't need and getting the house ready for our home visit with Sue.
In other news, we got our new bedroom set, and we couldn't be happier! It is the second furniture purchase we've made as husband and wife, and we're really excited to have a complete set...we feel like grown-ups :)
Thanks for all of your support...we're looking forward to becoming parents in 2007!
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Man, November went by so quickly, I can't believe it's almost over! Hope you had a lovely Thanksgiving - we did - thank you to Joan and Tom for providing a feast of epic proportions...it was wonderful. We bought our new tree on Friday morning - we braved the Black Friday rush in the hopes that we would get a killer deal, and we did. We put it up on Sunday and got it all fluffed out, and it looks awesome, but it is HUGE!! We definitely could have gone with a skinnier tree for the size of our living room, but c'est la vie. I'm almost done with the Christmas cards; they'll go out on December first, so be on the lookout :)
We went to get our ink fingerprints for the FBI on the 20th, and the officer that fingerprinted us looked so much like our friend Stoney, I almost had to ask if they were related! He was really nice, by which I mean he laughed at our stupid jokes and gave us a 50% discount on our prints. Y'all know how much I love a discount! He said that his brother and sister-in-law adopted three times from Russia, so he was very interested in us and he asked us quite a few questions about what kind of adoption we were doing and what our timeline was. He made it an enjoyable experience and the new ink washes off quite easily, so we didn't look like convicts the next day!
We had another class tonight, called Making Connections. The focus of the first half of the class was connecting with other adoptive parents and the second half was about being matched with birthparents. We met another nice couple, Karla and Vincent, who live close to us, and are going through the same program as we are. We got their information so we can keep in touch.
On Friday, I start my new job and then I have a meeting with our counselor right afterwards. We have each had to cancel this meeting once, so this time, I am bound and determined to get in there and get this accomplished! We are going to talk about my autobiography - my childhood and my family, etc...you'd think I would be a little nervous, but I'm really looking forward to it!
Our last required class is this Saturday, December 2nd at Lutheran General Hospital in Park Ridge, and it's called Parenting a Child at Risk. I am so excited to finally finish our required classes; it felt like such a huge prospect when we started, and now it's almost over. It's sort of bittersweet, because we have met such awesome people and learned so much, but I will be so glad to on to the next steps. We still have to finish our online classes (one for me, two for Jer), but they are quick, so I'm not sweating that and we're going to take a class about infant care, but it's not required. After that, we only have our Dear Birthparents letter and our profile and we are officially "paper pregnant". Woo!
We went to get our ink fingerprints for the FBI on the 20th, and the officer that fingerprinted us looked so much like our friend Stoney, I almost had to ask if they were related! He was really nice, by which I mean he laughed at our stupid jokes and gave us a 50% discount on our prints. Y'all know how much I love a discount! He said that his brother and sister-in-law adopted three times from Russia, so he was very interested in us and he asked us quite a few questions about what kind of adoption we were doing and what our timeline was. He made it an enjoyable experience and the new ink washes off quite easily, so we didn't look like convicts the next day!
We had another class tonight, called Making Connections. The focus of the first half of the class was connecting with other adoptive parents and the second half was about being matched with birthparents. We met another nice couple, Karla and Vincent, who live close to us, and are going through the same program as we are. We got their information so we can keep in touch.
On Friday, I start my new job and then I have a meeting with our counselor right afterwards. We have each had to cancel this meeting once, so this time, I am bound and determined to get in there and get this accomplished! We are going to talk about my autobiography - my childhood and my family, etc...you'd think I would be a little nervous, but I'm really looking forward to it!
Our last required class is this Saturday, December 2nd at Lutheran General Hospital in Park Ridge, and it's called Parenting a Child at Risk. I am so excited to finally finish our required classes; it felt like such a huge prospect when we started, and now it's almost over. It's sort of bittersweet, because we have met such awesome people and learned so much, but I will be so glad to on to the next steps. We still have to finish our online classes (one for me, two for Jer), but they are quick, so I'm not sweating that and we're going to take a class about infant care, but it's not required. After that, we only have our Dear Birthparents letter and our profile and we are officially "paper pregnant". Woo!
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
What is open adoption?
Open adoption is a kind of family relationship. It is not a contract. It is a commitment that the birth family and adoptive family make to each other and the child. It is a commitment to be part of each other's lives.
It is reminiscent of a marriage. When 2 people marry, they are joining with each other and they are joining their families through their marriage. A child joins the adoptive family with the birth family. It is then up to the adults in this relationship to maintain the relationship with one another. The child is too young and powerless to do this. So the adoptive and birth parents make a commitment to one another so the child will be able to have connections with all members of his families.
Like all families, the kind of relationship members of the family have with one another varies. Sometimes, they have a very close relationship with one another. They visit each other's homes, attend family functions, attend birthday parties, Christmas celebrations, and inform each other of any significant change in your life. They recognize each other's birthdays; give gifts to one another at Christmas. This kind of open adoption relationship is considered an extended family relationship.
Members of a friendship open adoption relationship spend time getting to know one another, get together with one another, visit each other's homes, and keep in touch by phone and email. They may or may not recognize each other's birthdays, give gifts at Xmas. Usually, they are not included in family gatherings.
There is also an acquaintance open adoption relationship. People keep in contact with one another but it is usually through email and phone, letter. They may get together once a year.
Of course, like all kinds of relationships, open adoption relationships change over time. Sometimes the relationship feels like an extended family and sometimes like an acquaintance. Relationships need flexibility in order to survive. However, all recognize that they are family to one another and each person is important to the child.
Do all birthparents want an open adoption?
No. Expectant parents, like adoptive parents, have questions and concerns about open adoption relationships. Expectant parents often worry that having contact with the child will be too difficult for them emotionally. Some are worried that the child will become confused. Some believe that the adoptive parents really do not want them involved. Expectant parents already have much to deal with and the thought of having to form a relationship with strangers may seem like too much at the time. However, once they are through the initial shock of being pregnant and the crisis of planning an adoption for their child, birthparents often are happy they are in an open adoption or wish they had been in an open adoption relationship.
Are open adoptions legally binding?
These relationships are based on trust and respect and are not legally binding in Illinois. However, many birth and adoptive parents discuss the kind of relationship they want to have with one another now and in the future. Some like to write down these thoughts into an open adoption agreement. These agreements are reminders of their intent rather than a legally binding document that locks people into a certain way of interacting with one another. When relationships become obligations, anger and resistance develops.
It is always a good idea to have a plan. Although plans can be changed, they give everyone an idea where they are headed.
What are the benefits of open adoption?
Open adoption benefits the child. The child grows up knowing all the pieces of his family history. Children of open adoption, like biological children, grow up knowing their birth parents and birth relatives. The child has a firm understanding who he looks like, where his interest in baseball came from, etc. The child also knows that she continues to be important to her birthparents. There is no room to doubt whether the child's birth parents loved and cared for the child. Information about all aspects of the child's family history is also readily available. And this kind of ongoing relationship eliminates the possibility that the child may look at every man and woman who bears a resemblance to him and wonder is that my mother, is that my father. The child never has to wonder whether their birthparents would welcome them back into their lives for they are part of their lives.
What kind of problems occurs in open adoption relationships?
All families have problems. Open adoption families are no different. Often in the beginning of a relationship, people are not sure what to expect from one another. Birthparents are grieving the loss of their child. At the same time they are trying to figure out what their role is in their child's life. Adoptive parents want to help the birthparents with their grief but know that no one can. The adoptive parents are focusing on becoming the parents of the child. They are usually tired from sleepless nights. They also are trying to figure out how the birth family fit into the family structure. This is a time of great transition. Understanding how the other person feels and good communication is essential during these times.
What is a birthparent's role in a child's life?
When people are unsure of their connection to a child, they tend to consider what they are not to a child rather than what role they play in a child's life. Birthparents and adoptive parents need to be secure in their roles. If they are not, the child loses.
So what is a birthparent's role? It is important to look at the child's needs when establishing your role in the child's life. A child needs someone who is reliable. A child needs someone who makes promises and keeps them. A child needs someone who respects his/her adoptive parents. A child needs someone who remembers birthdays, holidays and other special occasions. A child needs someone who can tell them about his birth and family history. A child needs someone who is interested in his thoughts and deeds. A child needs their birthparents to love them and to just be there for them.
Open adoption is a kind of family relationship. It is not a contract. It is a commitment that the birth family and adoptive family make to each other and the child. It is a commitment to be part of each other's lives.
It is reminiscent of a marriage. When 2 people marry, they are joining with each other and they are joining their families through their marriage. A child joins the adoptive family with the birth family. It is then up to the adults in this relationship to maintain the relationship with one another. The child is too young and powerless to do this. So the adoptive and birth parents make a commitment to one another so the child will be able to have connections with all members of his families.
Like all families, the kind of relationship members of the family have with one another varies. Sometimes, they have a very close relationship with one another. They visit each other's homes, attend family functions, attend birthday parties, Christmas celebrations, and inform each other of any significant change in your life. They recognize each other's birthdays; give gifts to one another at Christmas. This kind of open adoption relationship is considered an extended family relationship.
Members of a friendship open adoption relationship spend time getting to know one another, get together with one another, visit each other's homes, and keep in touch by phone and email. They may or may not recognize each other's birthdays, give gifts at Xmas. Usually, they are not included in family gatherings.
There is also an acquaintance open adoption relationship. People keep in contact with one another but it is usually through email and phone, letter. They may get together once a year.
Of course, like all kinds of relationships, open adoption relationships change over time. Sometimes the relationship feels like an extended family and sometimes like an acquaintance. Relationships need flexibility in order to survive. However, all recognize that they are family to one another and each person is important to the child.
Do all birthparents want an open adoption?
No. Expectant parents, like adoptive parents, have questions and concerns about open adoption relationships. Expectant parents often worry that having contact with the child will be too difficult for them emotionally. Some are worried that the child will become confused. Some believe that the adoptive parents really do not want them involved. Expectant parents already have much to deal with and the thought of having to form a relationship with strangers may seem like too much at the time. However, once they are through the initial shock of being pregnant and the crisis of planning an adoption for their child, birthparents often are happy they are in an open adoption or wish they had been in an open adoption relationship.
Are open adoptions legally binding?
These relationships are based on trust and respect and are not legally binding in Illinois. However, many birth and adoptive parents discuss the kind of relationship they want to have with one another now and in the future. Some like to write down these thoughts into an open adoption agreement. These agreements are reminders of their intent rather than a legally binding document that locks people into a certain way of interacting with one another. When relationships become obligations, anger and resistance develops.
It is always a good idea to have a plan. Although plans can be changed, they give everyone an idea where they are headed.
What are the benefits of open adoption?
Open adoption benefits the child. The child grows up knowing all the pieces of his family history. Children of open adoption, like biological children, grow up knowing their birth parents and birth relatives. The child has a firm understanding who he looks like, where his interest in baseball came from, etc. The child also knows that she continues to be important to her birthparents. There is no room to doubt whether the child's birth parents loved and cared for the child. Information about all aspects of the child's family history is also readily available. And this kind of ongoing relationship eliminates the possibility that the child may look at every man and woman who bears a resemblance to him and wonder is that my mother, is that my father. The child never has to wonder whether their birthparents would welcome them back into their lives for they are part of their lives.
What kind of problems occurs in open adoption relationships?
All families have problems. Open adoption families are no different. Often in the beginning of a relationship, people are not sure what to expect from one another. Birthparents are grieving the loss of their child. At the same time they are trying to figure out what their role is in their child's life. Adoptive parents want to help the birthparents with their grief but know that no one can. The adoptive parents are focusing on becoming the parents of the child. They are usually tired from sleepless nights. They also are trying to figure out how the birth family fit into the family structure. This is a time of great transition. Understanding how the other person feels and good communication is essential during these times.
What is a birthparent's role in a child's life?
When people are unsure of their connection to a child, they tend to consider what they are not to a child rather than what role they play in a child's life. Birthparents and adoptive parents need to be secure in their roles. If they are not, the child loses.
So what is a birthparent's role? It is important to look at the child's needs when establishing your role in the child's life. A child needs someone who is reliable. A child needs someone who makes promises and keeps them. A child needs someone who respects his/her adoptive parents. A child needs someone who remembers birthdays, holidays and other special occasions. A child needs someone who can tell them about his birth and family history. A child needs someone who is interested in his thoughts and deeds. A child needs their birthparents to love them and to just be there for them.
Monday, November 06, 2006
November is National Adoption Month! It's also the month when my husband and a few of my in-laws were born, so a big ol' happy birthday and many happy returns going out to Jeremy, Grannie Joan, Nick and Kirsten! In honor of National Adoption Month, get a white ribbon for your lapel and check out http://www.childwelfare.gov/ to learn a few new things about adoption.
We attended another class on Saturday called Transition to Openness at the Cradle. Friday night, Jeremy had a gig in Buffalo Grove, so we stayed at the parental condo in Mount Prospect to be closer to the gig so we would get some sleep and be able to make it through the class the next morning. Those of you who were at the gig know that I got pretty sick - I think it was a piece of bad sausage from the pizza I had beforehand. Anyway, we made it back to the parent's and were able to get a good night's sleep. We were a half hour late to class in the morning, because we made a wrong turn, but we got there just in time to watch the most incredible video about adoption from the baby's perspective. There wasn't a dry eye in the house! I'm going to see if I can get a copy so that anyone who is interested can see it. I'll keep you posted.
The focus of the class was making adoptive parents more comfortable with the idea of an open adoption and to teach them how to keep communication lines open with their child's birthparent. I have to admit that when we were first weighing the merits of international adoption vs. domestic adoption, one of the strongest pros toward international adoption was that we wouldn't have contact with the birthparents. After our first class with the Cradle, we felt quite differently, and have become stronger in our desire to have an open adoption for the benefit of all parties involved. I'm sure it won't always be easy for us to have a relationship with our children's birthparents because no relationship is without friction, however with the knowledge we are gaining, we expect things to be easier than if we went in blind.
We also got more information on how to write our 'Dear Birthparents' letter and how to assemble our profile. We are both looking forward to getting that all together. Once again, we met more really nice people in our class; Holly & Will who are from Lincoln Park and Kevin & Marc from Waukegan. Holly & Will are going to be in our class on 12/2, so we're all excited about seeing each other again, and Kevin & Marc might be in our class on the 11/28.
We attended another class on Saturday called Transition to Openness at the Cradle. Friday night, Jeremy had a gig in Buffalo Grove, so we stayed at the parental condo in Mount Prospect to be closer to the gig so we would get some sleep and be able to make it through the class the next morning. Those of you who were at the gig know that I got pretty sick - I think it was a piece of bad sausage from the pizza I had beforehand. Anyway, we made it back to the parent's and were able to get a good night's sleep. We were a half hour late to class in the morning, because we made a wrong turn, but we got there just in time to watch the most incredible video about adoption from the baby's perspective. There wasn't a dry eye in the house! I'm going to see if I can get a copy so that anyone who is interested can see it. I'll keep you posted.
The focus of the class was making adoptive parents more comfortable with the idea of an open adoption and to teach them how to keep communication lines open with their child's birthparent. I have to admit that when we were first weighing the merits of international adoption vs. domestic adoption, one of the strongest pros toward international adoption was that we wouldn't have contact with the birthparents. After our first class with the Cradle, we felt quite differently, and have become stronger in our desire to have an open adoption for the benefit of all parties involved. I'm sure it won't always be easy for us to have a relationship with our children's birthparents because no relationship is without friction, however with the knowledge we are gaining, we expect things to be easier than if we went in blind.
We also got more information on how to write our 'Dear Birthparents' letter and how to assemble our profile. We are both looking forward to getting that all together. Once again, we met more really nice people in our class; Holly & Will who are from Lincoln Park and Kevin & Marc from Waukegan. Holly & Will are going to be in our class on 12/2, so we're all excited about seeing each other again, and Kevin & Marc might be in our class on the 11/28.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)